Murphy’s Laws of Bush Firefighting

* You are not Superman.
* If it’s stupid, but works, it isn’t stupid.
* Don’t look conspicuous; it attracts work.
* When in doubt, empty your backpack on the nearest stump.
* Never work at a fire with someone braver than you.
* Never forget your equipment was made by the lowest bidder.
* If your efforts are going really well, you’re at the wrong fire.
* No plan survives the first contact.
* All firefronts 1 hour away will arrive in 30 minutes.
* Try to look unfit, because the Group Captains may be running out of people for that rake-hoe line.
* A fireball has the right of way.
* When you have an area under control, don’t forget to tell the fire.
* If you are forward of your position, the helicopter will drop it’s load of water short.
* That unimportant fire you are ignoring is the main front.
* The easy way is always full of wombat holes.
* If you are short of everything except fire, things are going normally.
* No fire-ready crew has ever passed inspection.
* Things that must be together to work, usually aren’t shipped together.
* Radios will fail as soon as you need support.
* Anything you do can get you into trouble, including doing nothing.
* If you put out more than your fair share of fires, you will be given more than your fair share of fires to put out.
* With a little organisation, chaos can be assured.
* If one item is hard to get, be sure to grab three of them.
* It is easier to receive forgiveness than permission.
* When accused admit nothing, deny everything, and make counter-accusations.
* Success forgives all sins.
* That pump you have been running for ages to be prepared will run out of fuel just when the front gets to you.
* The eight hundred metre rake-hoe line you have cleared perfectly is ninety degrees in the wrong direction.
* Any wind blows no good.
* Murphy never made it to Deputy!

Lindsay.Gorrie 5.June.1995

Credit to Lindsay Gorrie,SDC Grose Wold (5.June.1995)

RFS Maintenance Requests

Credit to Tim Williams

* Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Brigades, and the replies from the Council Depots.

* Brigade’s Problem: “Left front tyre almost needs replacement.”
* Council’s Response: “Almost replaced left front tyre.”

* Brigade’s Problem: “Something loose in cab.”
* Council’s Response: “Something tightened in cab.”

* Brigade’s Problem: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right strut.”
* Council’s Response: “Evidence removed.”

* Brigade’s Problem: “PMR volume unbelievably loud.”
* Council’s Response: “Volume set to more believable level.”

* Brigade’s Problem: “PMR inoperative.”
* Council’s Response: “PMR always inoperative in OFF mode.”

* Brigade’s Problem: “Friction lock causes pump throttle lever to stick.”
* Council’s Response: “That’s what it’s there for.”

* Brigade’s Problem: “Engine missing.”
* Council’s Response: “Engine found under cab after brief search.”

* Brigade’s Problem: “Tanker handles funny.”
* Council’s Response: “Tanker warned to “pull its head in”, and “be serious”

* Brigade’s Problem: “GRN hums.”
* Council’s Response: “GRN reprogrammed with lyrics”

* Brigade’s Problem: “Dead bugs on windshield.”
* Council’s Response: “No budget for live bugs this year.”